t’internet exposed!
Some say man never went to the moon. Some say the pictures were taken in a bloke’s back garden in Sutton Courtenay.
Similar conspiracy theories abound about t’internet. Those same people are convinced some bloke - might be the same one, though he would be knocking on a bit by now - is sat in his spare room plugging and unplugging millions of wires, really quickly, to keep everyone connected. When your broadband slows its normally because he’s making a cup of tea and needs the spare socket on the four-way. We at the Waffler decided to track down the truth.
We interviewed leading web designer Adam ‘Hot Male’ Hinton of web design company Windrush. [Hold on, aren’t they the design and print company? Ed - Yes they do this as well you know. Blimey, they get about a bit! Ed] Adam broke off from his busy web design schedule to check out our theory. ‘I’ve asked around some of my mates and they’re not so sure it could be done by one bloke - maybe two!’ This extensive research really made us think. If a company who produce everything from small starter websites to advanced E-commerce sites, thinks we might have a point, then we might actually have a point. Not sure we were expecting that.
We asked Adam to delve deeper. He did. He Googled ‘bloke in spare room doing t’internet’..Nothing! You would think, we mused, that the bloke actually doing it could get to the top of Google rankings. ‘It’s not as simple as that.’ explained Adam. ‘It’s more about creating a good working site that generates plenty of traffic, is well designed and easy to navigate.’ Sounded at this point like Adam was just blowing his own trumpet and not really focused on our quest. We began knocking on doors in Sutton Courtenay. It seemed the obvious place given its history of conspiracy. We were expecting a long quest taking years and involving millions of pounds of taxpayers money, but as luck would have it, three doors in, after scaring the life out of one old woman stroking her pet pussy in the middle of the afternoon and an unemployed bloke watching Countdown,...there he was! Maniacally juggling miles of wires and connections.
To be honest he seemed relieved it was all over. ‘I get a lot of RSI in my wrist, (he was getting no sympathy from me there) I can’t do this anymore. T’internet will just have to die with me. Then the strangest thing happened. Looking around at his bank of screens, they were all still working. Still connected....Turns out he’d been wireless for years without knowing. I can still hear his screams at night when I’m alone. ‘No wires?!..it’s not possible!!’. Apparently it is!
This investigative reporter, for one, has decided to look again at the moon pictures. Maybe that isn’t Didcot Power station reflected in Buzz Aldrin’s helmet after all...or is it!